PLEASE CALL ME LORENZO

(Performed by Cheap Whiskey, in the style of Phil Collins)

Started as a one-time handle
Just something to make ‘em laugh
Now it’s tattooed on the marquee
Like it’s all I‘ve ever had.

Now it’s on every poster
Every headline, every gol’darn T
They all think they know me now
But that ain’t really me.

Chorus:
Please, just call me Lorenzo
If you’re looking for any kind of truth
I’m tired of ‘Cheap Whiskey’ stories
Like they’re all I ever knew.

I guess it’s easier to brand me
Than to try to understand me
I’m the punchline you keep repeating
Just trying to be a better man.

Chorus:
Just call me Lorenzo
If you’re trying to be kind
I’m more than your parking-lot legend
More than the blurred lines.

Bridge :
Funny how a name can stick
Long after the buzz is gone.

Outro:
Please. Just call me Lorenzo
Hell, call me anything real
‘Cause ‘Cheap’ was just the cover
Hiding what I really feel.
 

Rhythm In His Hands

(Performed by Cheap Whiskey,
in the style of John Stewart “Gold”)

He’s got rhythm in his hands
Always tappin’ on the cans
Rings on every finger
Like he’s playin' in a band.

He sings rock & roll in the shower
Midnight gospel in his sleep
Keeps the beat with both his heels
While the dog grins at his feet.

He’s a 1-man band, don’t need no instrument
Slappin’ rhythm on his jeans like it came heaven sent
It’s not just the beat — it’s the placement, the stance
It’s the art of a soul who still lets himself dance.

And yeah… it matters where you slap your butt
When you’re tryin’ to stay in tune while floor dancing — what??

Tunin’… Slappin’… Kitchen floor tappin’…

Chorus:
Tappin’ on the cans, tappin’ on the past
Never had a record deal, but rhythm always lasts
His left hand glitters, right foot thumps
Kitchen floor’s a stage, and the snare’s in his junk.

Tappin’… tappin’… can’t stop tappin’…

Tambourine was his lover
When the lights were low and red
Now there’s a drumkit in the living room
And a dancefloor in his head.

Five-year-old cutie next door
Tugs at his sleeve at the store
Looks up at his left hand
“Hey... um… what’s his name again? Lorenzo?”
“Why do you have all those rings?”
’Cause some people don’t need drums to swing.

When I grow up, I’ll be a singer
Wearin’ rings on every finger
Just like that song, Old Brown Shoe
(He knew what it meant — now I do too)

Tappin’… singin’… brown shoe ringin’…

Outro:
He’s not famous, just local lore
Kids call him the hippie rhythm man next door.

(Cheap Whiskey, switches into style of Talking Heads):

Hands up in the air
Knees up — gotta have flair
Ain’t just rhythm, it’s style you wear.

Like Spoonman’s got his spoons
Ringman’s got precision

Every slap is timed
Every flick’s a decision.

Middle finger muted
Index got the snap
Pinky’s the wildcard
Thumb bringin’ the slap.

You don’t just play percussion
You wear it like a crown
And if your rings don’t sing…
Sit yo’ rhythm down.

Down… down… sit yo’ rhythm down…

Outro:
He’s not famous, just local lore
Kids call him the hippie rhythm man next door..

Written by: Sonny Shears, Lorenzo Champion, & Casey Bright

Joyous Sadsack

(Performed by Cheap Whiskey,
in the style of Phil Collins)

You might say I’m aloof, kinda drifting inside
But when your heart’s a lantern, ya can’t always hide
Feel too heavy, yet laugh too loud
An introvert smiling in a restless crowd.

Chorus:
Joyous sadsack, a walking contradiction
Dreamer with doubts, but still chasing the vision
I hold the weight yet still find the song
Introvert dancing when the world feels wrong.

I’m a joyous sadsack, contradiction’s friend
Laughed at the start and I’ll laugh at the end
Missing the ones who still walk in my song
But living the life they blessed all along.

I crave connection, yet push it away
I pray for tomorrow, but ache for today
I see fractures where no one else looks
I write my life in invisible books.

Chorus:
I’m a joyous sadsack, fragile but strong
A poet who doubts, but still sings along
The irony’s simple, and it cuts me in two—
Introverted healing in the way that I do.

Bridge:
It’s the joke at the funeral, the tears in the smile
The loner who listens, the heart on the dial
If you think it’s confusing, then maybe that’s fine—
Contradiction’s the signature under my line.

Final Chorus:
I’m a joyous sadsack, irony’s friend
An introvert laughing at the means to the end
So if you ask me how I live like this still
I’ll just shrug and whisper --
Perhaps I always will.
Bop-she-wa-da-wa-da
Bop-she-wa-da-wa-da
 

Don’t Wanna Hate
My Own Song

(Performed by Cheap Whiskey, in style of Tom Petty)

I wrote this on a Tuesday
Buzzed and feelin’ raw
Now you want me to rehearse it
Like it’s Bible, like it’s law
You say, “let’s run it one more time”
But it’s sounding like a jinx
Every time I hit that chorus
I like the damn song less and less, I think

Chorus:
So don’t make me sing it again
Don’t make me fake it for friends
I’ll give it my all that next time through
A song gets tired when it’s not true
So pick one I haven’t destroyed yet --
That’s gonna be our best bet.

Started out like all our songs do
Little bit of truth, little bit of pain
You said, “Damn, we’ve got a winner”
And I knew I shoulda run
’Cause as soon as you over-rehearse
You’re slowly killing what you’ve done

I don’t wanna hate my own song 

Chorus:
Don’t make me sing it again
Don’t make me strum it to death
I liked it once -- I swear I did --
Before we drained its breath
I’m not a jukebox, I’m more a spark
A lightning bolt, not a brand

So if you want perfection, buddy --
Hire a damn cover band.

Pandora

(Performed by Cheap Whiskey, in style of Aerosmith)

My first damn spark, my first dumb luck
A little bit of teenage fiiire I never really shook
Time turned me decent, time turned me tame
But you never forget the one to teach you shame.

We all got a hidden box
Locked up within our grown-up thoughts
You don’t crack it open—but God help you if you do
‘Cause some ghosts never outgrow you.

Chorus:
Whoa—saw you by the bleachers
As we conferred with our kids’ teachers
Whoa—somewhere in the noise
Of my heartbeat, my wife, my boys
I swear I felt seventeen again
Just a flicker—turned electric jolt
Then I turned back into Larry, the family man
Scene over.

I read your boy’s name in the program line
Looked up -- your eyes locked on mine
Two grown-up strangers with nothing to say
But a thousand memories we can’t give away.

Yeah, we all got a secret room
Some perfume, some midnight truth
The door never really stays closed
And the past never really lets go.

Faithful like a blue-collar vow
Even when the past called out
“Did I blow it with you?”—she said
Like I was still seventeen in my head.

I built a life, I stayed the course
But the old hunger stayed, why of course
One glance — and my knees went weak
Mother’s judgment still in my cheek.

Chorus:
Whoa—saw you by the bleachers
As we conferred with our kids’ teachers
Whoa—somewhere in the noise
Of my heartbeat, my wife, my boys
I swear I felt seventeen again
Just a flicker—turned electric jolt
Then I turned back into Larry, the family man
Scene over, Sweet Pandora.

JESUS MOMENTS

(Performed by Cheap Whiskey, in the style of Johnny Cash):

I was frozen in the grocery aisle
Didn’t plan to stay a while
But there they were —
Sweet cookies smiling back at me. 
‘Sweet Lorenzo’s’ spelled out bold
Jesus winked and took ahold
Of my wandering heart and whispered: 
Now do you see?

Chorus:
Jesus moments, they don’t shout
They whisper what your life’s about
In the leak that leads to grace
Or love that doesn’t stay. 
From Minoxidil to Morganstern 
To the book you didn’t plan
Jesus met me in the silence
Not the plan.

(In the style of Tom Petty)
Well, I was driving stoned through Cedar Springs
Couldn’t see a goddamn thing
Lord said, “Slow down
You ain’t dead just quite yet.” 
I missed the curve but caught the light
Swore off night drives outta spite
Now I vape at home and haven’t crashed...
Not yet.

Chorus:
Yeah, Jesus don’t always text ahead
Sometimes He just speaks in your head
In a whisper or a spiritual book
Your Ex left behind. 
Or the playlist you didn’t make
That song that makes your ribcage ache
Yeah, Jesus speaks in shuffle-mode
Sometimes.

(In the style of Brandi Carlile)
She left with her notecards
With her books and verses too. 
Didn’t say goodbye in Scripture
But I found what I should do. 
’Jesus Calling’ at my bedside 
Started underlining truth. 
Turned my heartbreak into pages
That read like Heaven’s proof.

Bridge:
Love ain’t always human
Sometimes it’s a dog
Sometimes it’s forgiveness
Written in a blog.

(In the style of Chris Stapleton)
I cursed the leak
I cursed the pipe
Five damn plumbers
No end in sight. 
But the one who caused it
Found the flaw

And Jesus smiled
From behind the wall.
He said, "Son, you asked,
I came through fast
And your hot shower’s gonna last
But don’t expect the claim to go your way."
I said, "Fair enough, 
I’ll take that grace today."

Yeah, Jesus don’t always text ahead
Sometimes He just speaks in your head
In a whisper
Or an accidental book
That’s the hook.

Wrinkled Old Friend

(Performed by Cheap Whiskey,
in the style of David Bowie ("Golden Years")

Golden years...Gold, whop-whop-whop

I think I might spend my golden years
With a wrinkled old friend
Soft laughter and tears
Not some stranger
I swiped in haste
But a heart I once knew
Full of kindness and grace.

Golden years...Gold, whop-whop-whop

She knew me when
I  overthought every call
When I sang the wrong name
At the middle-school ball
She’ll see the whole arc
From dopey to deep
And still choose to smile
Instead of retreat.

Golden years...Gold, whop-whop-whop
Come, get up, my baby

She’ll never get rich
But she sure knows love
Liberal mind, quiet soul
Like a whisper from above
She’ll cut me some slack
When I don’t deserve much
So maybe now's the time
To return that touch.

Golden years...Gold, whop-whop-whop

Won’t do candlelit dinners
Nor cruise-line plans
We’ll sit with the dogs 
And our coffee cans
Reminisce ‘bout the past
No more deadlines
Still sharp with the jokes
Still writing our lines.

Nothin’ gonna touch you in these golden years

Don’t need fresh faces
No brand new thrills
Just someone who gets me
When the house gets still
So if you see me laughing
In that porchlight bend
I might be at home
With a wrinkled old friend.

Outro:
Golden years...Gold, whop-whop-whop
Run for the shadows in these golden years
Run for the shadows
Run for the shadows

Annoying, Awkward, Intimidating

(Cheap Whiskey, in the style of Chris Stapleton):
Yeaaah, I talk too much, I stare too long
Quote old lyrics like gospel song
Some call it wisdom, some call it wrong
But deep down, I’ve been right all along.

Introverted eyes that cut through the game
Ask one question, they never feel the same
It ain’t no weapon, it’s just my song
But damn, man, I’ve been right all along.

(Chorus -- Cheap Whiskey only):
Annoying? Sure
Awkward? Hell yeah
Intimidating?
I’ve been told that stare
Is half-truth, half-dare
But I don’t belong where the crowd plays dumb
Annoying, intimidating, awkward…
And right all along.

(Kat, in the style of Carole King, with a wink):
Honey, you think too hard
And yeah, you talk too deep
People just don’t know what to think
They’d just rather stay asleep.

But I like the way you break the rules
Even when it feels a bit too strong
I’ll take annoying, I’ll take awkward
‘Cause baby, you’ve been right all along.

(Casey, in the style of Rufus Wainwright):
Watched you laugh when no one knew the joke
You weren’t lost, just spiritually in the smoke
You’re the echo they don’t understand
And the truth they never could demand.

It’s both a blessing and a curse
That overthinkin’ mind of yours
Sharp enough to draw blood
Sweet enough to heal the sores
Awkward stance, intimidating smile
But ain’t the truth been worth it all the while?

Chorus:
Awkward, intimidating, annoying as hell
We make the therapist ring the church bell
But I’d buy a ticket just to sing along
‘Cause we’ve been right, right,
Right all along.

(Rickles, in the style of Elvis Costello):
Yeah, you’re a little weird
With that introverted beard
And you scare the normies when you stare too long
But I’m here to say, old man
You’re the reason HR drinks by noon
Annoying, awkward -- but you ain’t been wrong.

(Phil, always in the style of George Carlin):
You enter the room like you own the weather
Then sit in back like: “don’t notice me -- ever”
They say you’re a lot — they mean it’s too real
But Jesus, you’re the whole damn meal.

(Chorus, Rickles & Phil):
Awkward, intimidating, annoying as hell
You’d make the therapist ring the church bell
But I’d buy a ticket -- just to sing along.

Ramble First

(Performed by Cheap Whiskey, in the style of Led Zeppelin)

(Funk-folk swagger, a nod to the original;
but with Cheap Whiskey meaning):

Notes all over the floor
I lost the map again
But every mess we make
Turns gold by the second pen.

Chorus:
Ramble first
Shape it later
That’s the gospel we obey
Light the fuse
Chase the vapor
Find the song
Along the way.

Gonna sing my song, Gonna Ramble On

We ain’t got time for roots,
But the groove keeps draggin’ on
Every tangent finds its truth
Till the ramble writes the song.

(brief guitar break)

Bridge:
Pages burn
Ideas bloom
Madness is our room
Let the stumble find the tune—
Ramble on, brother
Ramble on.

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby

Chorus:
Ramble first
Shape it later
That’s the gospel we’ll obey
Light the fuse, chase the vapor
Find the song
Along the way.

I guess I'll keep on … Ramblin'

50 Ways to
Ditch Your Buddy

(Performed by Cheap Whiskey, in the style of Paul Simon)

“The problem’s all inside your head,” she said to me
The answer’s easy if you take it honestly
I’d like to help you in your struggle to stay free—
There must be 50 ways to ditch your buddy

Chorus 1:
Don’t slip out the back, Jack
Better make a new plan, Stan
No need to be cruel, Jules—
Just get yourself free

It’s a kindness thing, ya see
You don’t owe me a comeback
And I won’t torch the dock behind me
I won’t ghost ya, won’t roast ya
Won’t break your glass and toast ya
Won’t twist the knife on my way out
I’m just takin’ my heart out for a walk.

There’s a kind way to leave without makin’ it worse
No grenade in the glove-box, no last-minute curse
You don’t have to wave or explain it all first—
Just don’t make the goodbye the part that still hurts.

Chorus 2:
Yeah, there’s 50 ways to leave your buddy
Most of ’em wrong as hell
And who’s got that many friends, Jack?
Turns out some folks are just rich in exits

If you care about me, I care about you —
Even if you’re awkward, even if I was through
That’s the promise I made with Grace one night
Under half-burnt candles and my cheap-whiskey sight
And I still believe it’s true —
There’s a kind way to go that leaves the light on too.

Final Chorus / Outro:
’Cause lovin’s for the lucky
And trustin’s for the bold
I’d just like one person
To not abandon me when I’m old
So if you gotta go, go kind, go steady, go true—
But leave the door unlocked
In case Grace comes back with you

Six Love Languages
(We All Got One)

(Kat, in the style of ... Touch):
I don’t want roses / I want your weight
Your hand on mine / When I’m running late
If I lean in / That’s me saying stay
My skin knows things / It can’t relay

(Lorenzo, in the style of ... Word Affirmation):
I'm not a backrub / I'm a midnight text
A rambling voicemail / When my heart’s a wreck
If I wrote you a song / Then that is the hug
I’m not cold / I speak in a verbal drug

(Casey, in the style of ... Quality Time):
Show up / Sit down / Stay with me
Not texting / Not multitasking / Just be
I measure love / In unbroken hours
No gifts / No touch / Presence as power

(Rickles, in the style of ... Acts of Service):
You want affection? / Check your tires
I'll show love with pliers / Not choirs
I may not say much / But I’ll mow your lawn
Then pick up your meds / As soon as I’m done

(Phil, in the style of ... Gifts):
You saw it once / You remembered the shade
You wrapped it in time / A memory made
It ain’t the price / It’s the pause you took
That moment you proved / I’m more than a look

(In the style of ... Touch):
You don’t have to undress / Just reach
Let me feel what your / Words can’t teach
Some days I just / Need a grounding grip
That tells my soul it / Hasn’t slipped

(In the style of ... Word Affirmation):
Don't need a chorus / Just a quick line
That tells me your world / Still touches mine
I live off whispers / Not from bouquets
Or just say my name / In a sacred sort of way

(In the style of ... Quality Time):
I’ve had partners who praised / Partners who gave
But none that held me / Like the ones who've stayed
I don’t need noise / Or plans or flair
Just your undivided / Awkward stare

(In the style of ... Acts of Service):
If I make your coffee how you like it / Taste it
That’s a 5-paragraph essay / Just face it
I don’t hold your hand / I hold your day
And that’s how I whisper: / I’m gonna stay

(In the style of ... Gifts):
A little surprise / With a little thought?
That’s love in a bow / Not love you bought
Every item tells me / You saw me clear
And love, to me / Is archived here

(In the style of ... Touch):
I exhaled when your hand / Held mine
Not tight, just right / The perfect sign
Your fingers found / The ache that I hide
You didn't flinch / You stayed inside

(In the style of ... Word Affirmation):
You said my name / Like it meant a truth
Not a joke nor a line / Just proof
I stopped shrinking / For once / That day
You saw the man / Beneath disarray

(In the style of ... Quality Time):
It’s not about candles / Or clever themes
It’s a quiet couch / And undone dreams
You just let me unravel / Real slow
And stayed until / I was ready to go

(In the style of ... Acts of Service):
You fixed my screen door / Without a sound
That’s the moment I knew / You’d stick around
You didn’t say “I love you”/ You just did
And I felt safer / Than I ever did

(In the style of ... Gifts):
I unwrap the care / Not the thing
A shell, a stone / A souvenir ring
Love is memory / Dressed in art
You gave a piece / Of your beating heart

(Morgan the Dog, in the style of ... Food):
You can talk all day / Don’t care what you say
But if you share that sandwich / Sure, I’ll stay
You rub my belly / Yeah, that’s fine
But food... / That’s where I draw the line

You wanna win me? / Toss me cheese
Freeze-dried duck’ll / Bring me to my knees
Your love smells like / Bacon in my bowl
And that’s how I know / You feed my soul.

That’s six Love Languages
We all got one.

Still Listening 

Performed by: Cheap Whiskey (Lorenzo Champion)

We burned through every draft and doubt
Ink on the table, hearts inside-out
You sang the pain, I caught the tune
And left some room for what comes soon.

Chorus:
Bruised, blooming, still listening
Through every fall we’re glistening
Faith is the hum beneath the noise
Love the tremor in our voice.

The mirror cracks, the truth leaks in
Old ghosts smile where we have been
Cheap whiskey’s gone, the glass is clean —
But grace still stains the in-between.

Chorus:
Bruised, blooming, still listening
The quiet crowd is whispering
Every song that dared to start
Ends up circling the heart.

Bridge (spoken / half-sung):
I hear you in the static, brother —
In the feedback, in the breath before the word
You taught me how to ramble
Until the ramble learned to pray.

Final Chorus (builds then fades):
Bruised, blooming, still listening
The echo keeps christening—
What was broken now belongs
We’re still here… inside the songs.

(guitar swell → fade to harmonica → silence)