Pres. Johnson Ellis
“Jeb” Brush

Jeb Brush won the presidency in 2016 — but as he has aged, his presidential portrait looks suspiciously like his older brother. Perhaps it’s the curse of the Brush bloodline: no matter how many debates you survive, or how many pandemics you manage, people still squint and say, ‘Isn’t that W?’ In the August Playhouse, that uncanny resemblance is both his legacy and his punchline.

Nicknames: Mr. President; Jeb; The Forgotten Brush; Lil’ Bro POTUS.
Occupation/Role: 45th President of the United States.
Segments: Parallel Universe.
Bio: In this world, Jeb didn’t fold on the debate stage — he landed a couple of stiff uppercuts, thanks to some ghostwritten lines slipped in from Casey & the WR. The Billy Brush tape hit early, Ronald Strike cratered, and Jeb rode a wave of GOP relief all the way to the White House. His presidency was a beige blur — until the pandemic forced him into history’s spotlight. Steady, polite, a touch boring, Jeb’s America had fewer fireworks but also fewer impeachments. Fox News never forgave him for being “the Brush who beat Strike,” and Dems never forgave him for being a Brush at all.

Quotable:

“Please clap… oh, wait, don’t bother. I already won.”

(Strike, bitterly:) “They moved me over one spot on the debate stage. Rigged!”

“Being boring isn’t the worst thing you can be as President. Trust me.”

(Carlson Watters:) “Breaking: Billy Bush may actually be Jeb’s brother. Coincidence? I don’t think so.”

(Casey Bright:) “All it took was one decent line, and suddenly America thought, ‘Maybe safe and boring isn’t so bad.’”

“Historians say he governed more like his brother. Critics say he looked more like him too. In the end, maybe that was the whole punchline.”