Hector “Hog” Dwyer

Nicknames: “Hog,” “Ugliest Player in the Majors,” “Doubles Machine”.

Occupation/Role: Switch-Hitting, Designated Hitter / First Baseman; Kent County Kompanions’ late-season pickup.

Segments: Backyard Mythos; Jesus Moments.

Bio: Hector Dwyer looks like he fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch — twice. Fans wince when his face hits the jumbotron. Then he rips another line-drive, opposite-field double. In his world, production is beauty. He has a dead wife he adored (equally plain by society’s standards), whose ghost appears in the home dugout to keep him locked in. On the road, he struggles — proving Madame Zella’s “Kompanions” theory.

Quotable:

Hector Dwyer: “Pretty boys strike out a lot more often than I do. I’m not here to look good. I’m here to hit the damn ball. Doubles keep the lights on.”

Patricia “Madame” Zeller: “I swear I’ve seen his wife sitting there… ugly as sin, but she glowed.”

Kompanions TV announcer: “Dwyer might be the only player I ever saw, booed and cheered, in the same swing.”