EPISODE 13, SCENE 90:
Press-Junket Jitters

[Setting: Low-key podcast taping. Lorenzo at mic with Casey and Kat off-camera. Kat recording on her phone.]

HOST:
Your new B-side, “Oh What a Date,” has people Googling ‘January 21’.
What’s the story?

LORENZO (chuckles):
I don’t do resolutions. I do resurrections — once a year, same day.
’19 lost my job, ’21 lost my girl, ’22 lost my grip.
I figured I’d better make it rhyme before it killed me.

HOST (awed):
You turned bad luck into a calendar invite.

KAT (smiling, whispering):
Yeah — and he RSVP’d with harmony.

LORENZO:
Three years of cosmic pranks.
(beat)
You ever notice the universe schedules breakdowns like dentist appointments?

HOST (laughing):
And your remedy?

LORENZO (grins):
Write the blues in falsetto.
Watch it chart at #89 and call it therapy.
Sadness you can dance to.
That’s our brand, baby.

HOST:
You really believe a date can be cursed?

LORENZO:
Not cursed. Patterned.
Every January 21, God checks my humility balance.

[He slips into Verse 1. Camera pans around the room; Kat mouthing the chorus quietly.]

SCENE 91:
***MUSICAL NUMBER: “Oh, What a Date (January 21st)”***

CASEY:
There it is — your superstition anthem.
People will laugh … until the next January rolls around.

SCENE 92:
The Gospel According to Metrics

[Setting: deBos HQ bullpen, 7 a.m. Coffee, donuts, monitors flickering Billboard data.]

CLEM:
Uh, Marv… you might wanna contact the PR team.

deBOS:
It’s seven in the—
(reads the screen)
No way.

CLEM:
Way.
“Better Than I Prayed For” just leap-frogged “Hot Damn & Cheap Whiskey.”
It’s climbing like it found a cheat code.

deBOS:
That’s impossible. It’s another Aerosmith impersonation!

CLEM:
Apparently, the public likes holy Steven Tyler.

[deBos stares at the numbers, muttering.]

CLEM:
Should I call marketing?

deBOS:
Call NASA. I wanna know what altitude we’re at.

[still squinting at the analytics]

Numbers don’t pray, but these ones sure look converted.

CLEM:
Streaming up 40 percent overnight. Churches adding it to playlists.

deBOS:
Great. My mother finally gets her wish — me in ministry.

CLEM:
Technically, you’re the record label.

deBOS:
Technically, I’m the guy selling salvation in 4/4 time.

(beat)

CLEM:
It’s overtaking “Hot Damn.” 
The rock-gospel song’s going pop.

deBOS:
Figures. The devil gets the hooks, Jesus gets the hooks and the encore.

[FADE OUT]

SCENE 93:
Speed Dial 1

[Setting: A walnut-paneled room frozen in time. The Nightly News hums softly.
Grandpa deBos sits in a recliner, TV dinner half-eaten. Anchor voice cuts through the quiet.]

ANCHOR (Voice-Over):
…up next, a feature on faith, irony, and unexpected redemption — the musician known as Cheap Whiskey, now climbing the charts with his latest single to #4 on the charts.

[Grandpa deBOS leans forward in his recliner, squinting)
The lower-third reads: “Cheap Whiskey — real name Lorenzo Champion.”

GRANDPA deBOS:
Cheap Whiskey… Lorenzo… hell, those names sound familiar.
(squints harder)
Don’t we own that boy?

[He squints, can’t find his phone, finally jabs the giant red SPEED DIAL 1 button on a desk phone the size of a carburetor.]

[Marv deBos Sr., half-lit, robe, tumbler of Scotch, half-watching Family Feud. He answers on the second ring.]

GRANDPA (On Speaker):
Marvin!

MARV SR.:
Dad? It’s 9:20.

GRANDPA (O.S.):
And yet somehow, I’m the only one awake running this family!
Why the hell is “Cheap Whiskey” on my television instead of on our balance sheet?

MARV SR.:
Pretty sure he’s one of Junior’s… projects. The tambourine guy.

GRANDPA (O.S.):
The tambourine guy’s got a Top Four single and you’re sipping Scotch?
Jesus, Marvin, this is why our family brand sounds like a punchline anymore, dammit!
Call your kid.

MARV SR. (slurring):
Dad, relax, he’s on the roster somewhere—

GRANDPA (O.S.):
“Somewhere” doesn’t cash dividends.
Get Junior off his supplements and into an office.

MARV SR.:
He’s got it handled, Dad—

GRANDPA (O.S.):
That’s the problem. He’s handling it.
Handle it faster. Before another network buys his soul.

MARV SR. (to himself):
Here we go…
(aloud):
Dad, he’s already under contract.
Junior’s handling the new series thing — it’s definitely a No-go.

GRANDPA (O.S.):
What series thing?

MARV SR.:
Cheap Whiskey is trying to sell a television series called Isn’t It Ironic. 
Five nightly segments.

GRANDPA (O.S.):
Yes, Nightly News mentioned that.
Buy all of ’em!
If our boy’s sellin’ faith, I’m buyin’ stock.

MARV SR.:
Only one’s really… spiritual. The rest are, well—
Signal Fires is apparently dark as hell.
Game Night might piss off the Bible Belt.
Parallel Universe sounds way too political.
That’ll piss a lot of people off.

GRANDPA (O.S.):
And?

MARV SR.:
And I’m just saying — they are not all exactly Jesus Calling.

GRANDPA (O.S.):
Marvin, I’m ninety-one years old. I don’t have time for half-measures.
Controversy sells.
If our boy’s making sincere art, I want all five segments before some streamer turns sincerity into satire.

MARV SR.:
But Dad—

GRANDPA (O.S.):
Clem handed your kid a gift and your son is fumbling it like a drunk quarterback.
Do something about our boy before I call Clem myself.
Cheap Whiskey is our boy.

MARV SR. (sighs, muttering):
Christ…

GRANDPA (O.S.)
Exactly. He’s trending. Use it.
Now hang up and make a miracle.

MARV SR.:
Dad, you realize the budget—

GRANDPA (O.S.):
I realize my retirement fund’s bigger than your budget.
Don’t nickel-and-dime a resurrection story, son.
Our boy’s printing purpose, not just profit.

[silence]

GRANDPA (O.S.):
ALL FIVE SEGMENTS! 
Before the Baptists beat us to market!
Get to work!

[He slams the receiver down so hard the Nightly News logo flickers.]

GRANDPA (to himself):
If they can’t run a family dynasty, I will — from this chair.

[Marv Sr. stares at the phone, then downs what’s left of his Scotch. He dials again.]

[Marv deBos Jr., mid-protein shake, looks up as his phone buzzes. He answers, annoyed.]

MARV JR.:
Hey, Dad—

MARV SR. (On Speaker):
Your grandfather just baptized you in gasoline.
Get Cheap Whiskey locked for all five segments before the old man calls the Pope.

MARV JR.:
All five?
Even Signal Fires? Parallel Universe?? 
Seriously?

MARV SR. (O.S.):
Especially that one. He says controversy sells.
Don’t screw this up.
If the world still believes in irony, we’re back in business.

MARV JR.:
Fine. Miracles test well in Q4 anyway.

[He exhales, turns to Clem.]

MARV JR.:
Clem, call legal.
And somebody get me a tambourine.

SCENE 94:
Green-Light Gospel

[Setting: Writers Room, late morning. Coffee smell, half-eaten donuts, and a laptop open to an email subject line in bold: “APPROVED – III FULL SERIES ORDER.” Kat is the first to see it.]

KAT (reading, stunned):
All five segments.
Full production.
Immediate start.

[Silence. Then Casey’s pen drops.]

CASEY:
Wait — like now-now?
We’re… a real show?

LORENZO:
We’re five real shows! Holy shit!

[Pandemonium. Chairs scrape, Morgan barks, Rickles drops his donut.]

RICKLES:
Well I’ll be damned — the universe finally read our emails.

KAT (grinning):
Congratulations, gentlemen — we’re officially the strangest miracle on the schedule.

[They all laugh. Casey’s typing furiously.]

CASEY:
Confirming bonuses.
Rickles and Lundy get bumps — “for narrative edge and comic risk taking.”

RICKLES:
About time somebody paid me to offend people strategically.

LORENZO:
You earned it, man. Come here.

[He wraps Rickles in a full hug. Rickles freezes like a statue.]

RICKLES:
Oh God, he’s touching me.
Is this HR-approved?

KAT (laughing):
Yes. This is therapeutic contact.

RICKLES (grumbling):
Feels like a hate crime of affection.

[Lorenzo finally lets go; everyone’s smiling.]

CASEY:
Eko’s full-time starting Monday.
And we’ll need to bring in more fresh ink and more help.

RICKLES:
Great. We’re a kennel with benefits now.

KAT:
More like a family with better lighting.

[They stand around the table, buzzing with shock and gratitude. Morgan yawns, content.]

LORENZO (softly):
Five-for-five.
We prayed for a pilot and got a franchise.

CASEY:
Guess He answered in bulk.

RICKLES:
Don’t ruin it with sentiment, Bright.
Let’s get drunk before Marv makes it a press release.

KAT:
Deal — but first, a toast.

[She raises her coffee mug.]

KAT:
To every voice that made this room louder, truer, and way less lonely.

ALL:
To the Writers Room.

[They clink cups and laugh as Morgan jumps onto a chair, tail wagging like a metronome. Fade out on the sound of that wagging — steady, joyful, alive.]

SCENE 95:
We’re Actually Doing This?

[Setting: Writers Room table, mid-editing session. A phone buzzes.
Casey answers, puts it on speaker.]

ZENO AUDIO VICE-PRESIDENT (Voice Mail message): 
We’re in.
Half the nut.
Immediate wire.

[Beat of stunned silence—then Kat whoops.]

LORENZO: 
Oh, my God!
You mean we’re… actually doing this?

CASEY: 
That is what we’ve been doing for a few months now.

KAT (laughs): 
Remember when Zeno Audio sent us those earbuds three years ago -- 
and we thought it was spam?

CASEY: 
Yeah, now they’re paying to hear us.

LORENZO: 
Somebody at that company’s got our playlist on repeat.
Granddaddy said buy it. Zeno said back it.

CASEY:
A mindfulness rebrand for a company that used to sell gamer rage.

LORENZO:
Hey -- Jesus loves irony.

[Cut to: confetti from Rickles’ old party stash, Eko filming for socials.]

CASEY: 
Guess Cheap Whiskey finally went premium.

RICKLES: 
To Cheap Whiskey — aged well, bottled better.

LORENZO: 
Then let’s get this thing made before they all change their minds.

[Cut to: The deBos conference room, 10 p.m. Marv pacing, Clem typing like a hostage. Grandpa’s voice crackles through the speaker.]

GRANDPA deBOS (On Speaker):
Marvin, I built this company on sincerity.
If we can’t afford a little faith, maybe it’s time we sell it.

[Click. Line goes dead.]

CLEM:
That’s a yes. He just opened an account called III Pilot.

MARV deBOS (frozen):
He actually did it… The old man just baptized irony.

[He exhales, then forces a grin.]

CLEM:
In forty-eight hours, Better Than I Prayed For tripled Hot Damn’s streams.
And then Isn’t It Ironic got picked up, full-scale.
That’s two miracles in the same week.

deBOS:
We go big. Headline tour. Casinos, arenas, churches with parking.
I want posters in airport bathrooms!

CLEM:
Lorenzo wants a nap and a journal.

deBOS:
He can nap on the bus. Print the tour jackets.

[thinking]

deBOS:
Alright, Clem — press release: “Visionary son expands family legacy.”
Make me look like I meant this.

[FADE OUT]

[END OF EPISODE 13]